Pretty Man Brains

We're going to MIAMI!!!!!!

2010-03-12T09:12:00.002-05:00

and we have an agreement that pants will not be worn on our trip. We'll see how it goes. In the words of lady gaga, "no pants is sexy".

Look out Miami, here come the pantless Canadians.

If you like toilet humour...

2009-11-26T10:03:00.002-05:00

...you might enjoy toilet art:

Toilet paper roll faces by Junior Fritz Jacquet

Yuken Teruya's use of every day objects

One for you, one for me? No, no... they're with eachother.

2009-11-23T09:31:00.002-05:00

I went out for a walk yesterday to enjoy this wonderful autumn weather we're experiencing. I was stopped on the street corner waiting for the light to change when two attractive men stopped along side of me. So naturally, I stood a little taller and did my best hair flip, and we exchanged smiles. Well, as the light was about to change, they got out ahead of me and I noticed they were holding hands... just my luck. What a waste of a perfectly good hair flip.

Comparing apples and beans.. not your average produce

2009-10-23T11:13:00.002-04:00

For the past several years, I have started taking weekend girls' trips to the US of A. We've been to the Big Apple twice and were recently in Beantown.

Now everyone knows that the theatre, shopping, food and the bustle of New York is amazing. There is tonnes to see, do, buy and eat. It's almost overwhelming at first. Everything just seems so big and in your face.

Boston has a different kind of charm. It's smaller yes, but it's still a big city with a lot to offer. They have their own theatre district, the shopping was great and the food was superb. Although, I don't think I want to see another bowl of New England Clam Chowda for a while. Seriously, it's everywhere and I had to taste it everywhere.

But here's where the big difference was for me - the hombres. I've only seen a small handful of good looking men in the Big Apple and they were everywhere in Beantown. And it's not just the plethora of light-eyed and dark-haired fellas either, there's all kinds of studly. Not to mention that the accent doesn't hurt either. So there, I said it. I think the Boston homies are dope.

So unless there's something going on in NYC that I can't get in Boston, I'll be seeing Boston again. But next time, I'm leaving my mom at home ;)

The 10 Creepiest Unintentionally Sexual Ads

2009-10-13T09:37:00.000-04:00

From The Huffington Post. F'n hilarious!

suffocated and dying

2009-09-30T09:38:00.002-04:00

I have now been actively house hunting for four months - 4! And I've seen quite a few very different houses in a few different neighbourhoods, but last night was different. I saw two houses, only two streets apart from one another and with a $40,000 price tag differential. Both houses were semi-detached, owned by older couples and roughly the same size. But wow, what a difference!

The first house looked like it was dying. Almost as if it was slowly shriveling into nothingness. The screens on the windows were shredded, the garage looked like an abandoned barn, the roof shingles were peeling and the cement around the house was cracking. It looked dead from the outside. We approached the house hoping that we would find life inside, but it wasn't there either. There were a few old portraits on the wall that suggested humans had been there, but those were the only signs that the house had ever been inhabited. It seemed as though time had stood still for this house, like it hadn't been loved in years. I can't imagine that it was ever any one's home.

While, the first house depressed me, the second made me giggle at first. It looked as though my tacky grandfather had decorated it himself. From the plastic swans in the front garden, to the GIANT furniture in a small space, to an entire room filled with leafy plants- my grandpa would've thought it was incredible. Strangely, although this house was overflowing with over sized furniture and nick-nacks, it didn't feel like a home. It felt more like a storage facility for all things unwanted. The objects were suffocating themselves while crying out for a little attention.

When it was all said and done, the first house needed way more renovations than I'm prepared to do and the second floor of the second house was so badly planned, that it too would've needed a major overhaul. I have vision, I can see past cosmetic issues. What I don't have is a bulldozer and unlimited funds.

So, last night's experience taught me that I can afford something between a dying house and a storage facility ... excellent. I guess that means I'd better keep saving my pennies.

more to come....

The perfect combo

2009-09-29T15:13:00.002-04:00

What better way to keep the summertime vibe going.....

Canadian Comedy Awards

2009-09-29T14:58:00.003-04:00

This Thursday, our friends from Shoeless will be heading off to St. John's, NB, for the 2009 Canadian Comedy Awards. They are one of five nominees for Best Sketch Comedy troupe. Best of luck!!!!

You can check out their site here

TNA

2009-09-25T12:28:00.004-04:00

There is something kind of funny and ironic about a woman wearing a Burqua and holding a gym bag with "TNA" printed all over it.

To the woman who fits this description - thank you for inadvertently putting a smile on my face on the subway.

This...

And this...

= Irony

A Talk with Chris Rock

2009-09-15T12:59:00.006-04:00

After a rough weekend, an offer of a free ticket to watch Chris Rock talk about his new TIFF documentary seemed like just the thing to get me out of a slump.

His new film, and first documentary "Good Hair" is currently showing at the Toronto Internationl Film Festival, and will be opening in theatres in October. I haven't seen it yet, but the trailer alone made me want to see it.

And then of course - there was Chris Rock - who was a (not surprising) crowd pleaser in his hour long talk about the film, and anything else from Transformers to sneaking into the White House.

Although he wasn't the lively Chris Rock we all know from his standup, he still had the audience laughing with his quick wit and funny stories.

The best one in my opinion was when he snuck into the White House with the help of a black security guard who loves his work. The only thing Chris Rock was interested in seeing was where Bill Clinton got his blow job LOL.

At some point in the discussion Chris admitted that he loves all kinds of movies, including Transformers. Later, when the audience had a chance to ask questions, some dumbass white girl brought up Transformers again and asked him what he thought about the only "black" Transformer dying in the film.

Chris' reply: "What I'm wondering is how the hell you got in here? In a TIFF event? This ain't Comicon." And then he didn't asnwer her question.

He definitely lives up to his last name :)

A 'jest' cause- review

2009-08-26T13:37:00.004-04:00

Truth be told, I don't really find that many "funny" things all that funny, so when my mom invited me to a stand-up comedy event to benefit the Scarborough Women's Centre, I wasn't all that excited to go. But, I'm a good daughter and knew that it was important to my mother that I went. I have to say, I was very pleasantly surprised. I think I may have even laughed out loud.... a few times.

After a little bit of a slow start, Elaine Dandy, who organized the event, got on stage. I really wasn't expecting much of this banker by day, but her trails and tribulations of online dating were humourous. And then the evening just got funnier. Martha O'Neil (nominated for best newcomer at the Canadian Comedy Awards) took the stage. She's totally deserving of the CCA nod with her ability to turn regular everyday occurances into small tales of hilarity. And then came time for the headliner, Carnie Gaetz. Her comedy was dry. Just the way I like it. I would recommend catching one of her sets if you can. It had everything you want in a set, real-life scenarios, curse words and racism.... at last, some one who wasn't afraid to cross the line, turn around and laugh at it.

But through all of the laughter, it was still important to take note of all the wonderful things the Scarborough Women's Centre is trying to "provide information, education and support services to assist women in the transition away from abuse". I've attached the link if you'd like more information.

Williams' got nothing on Dvorak

2009-08-21T10:25:00.002-04:00

Ok...this is a really nerdy entry, but I just had to, especially since I just happened to be talking about "Jaws" two days ago.

Those who know me well know that I'm a sucker for classical music. I was just listening to Antonin Dvorak and came across one of his pieces "Symphony No. 9 "From the New World" - 4th movement."

The first thing that came to mind was - "Hey, that sounds EXACTLY like the opening of the Jaws theme song."

Sad that I would think that Dvorak's piece "sounds like" a movie theme song created eons later, when it should be the other way around. John Williams - can't deny that he's a musical genius - but I also can't deny that he blatantly ripped off from Dvorak. I looked it up afterwards, and was pleased to find that other classical music nerds agree.

Have a listen, and enjoy the original :)

Good eats with Great Cooks

2009-08-20T10:25:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, the creative department at my work took a cooking class together at Great Cooks (8th floor of the Simpsons Tower). We divided up into groups, and each group was responsible for one of the courses. My team created a black bean puree hor d'oeurve, and it was really easy to make. But I still managed to knick myself with the knife, and one of eyes was overflowing with tears when the shallots were being chopped. Nonetheless, I'm definitely going to try it at home some time. And the end result - sooooo good!

It was a really fun experience with lotsa laughs and (personal bonus) lotsa free booze. Once we were all done, we sat down for dinner and enjoyed our creations.

Here are some pics to make your mouth water!

If you want the recipes for any of these dishes, just contact PMB!

Holy Balls...

2009-08-17T16:53:00.002-04:00

...It's friggin HOT OUT today!

http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/682173

Today's remedy for the heat - Visiting the ROM and sitting in the main gallery.

2K Wine

2009-08-14T09:07:00.003-04:00

Every year I try to make it down to Caribana. I had an excellent time this year and this is my fave shot from the parade:

Dude, you are so busted...ha!

Wicked cool art in "public" spaces

2009-08-13T16:13:00.002-04:00

How did you get to work today? I took the subway, got off at Bay station and walked out through the Cumberland entrance. But today was not like any other day.

By the time lunch hour came around there was a red carpet and attractive women in black dresses behind the velvet rope. I little much for an entrance to the subway if you ask me. So naturally, I enquired and I'm glad that I did.

One of the beauties took us down into Lower Bay station. (There's Bay station which is currently used and then there's Lower Bay which is mainly used for film shoots) Today it was being used as the space for an art installation by Justin Broadbent, which will later serve as the backdrop to a "private party". That part is lame, but the fact that we got to scope it out before hand is awesome!

Broadbent used subway cars and transformed them into different themed compartments. One was now a forest, another a hip lounge with chandeliers, another was filled with flowers and love letters.

I love the idea of putting art in public spaces. Let's face it. Not everyone will go to a gallery, but most will hop on the train. If only the subway could be that much fun every day......

I'm no good at small talk

2009-08-13T15:08:00.003-04:00

I've discovered this site salled Omegle - which connects you and a stranger in a private chat room. Both parties are not given any background info before the chat, and the idea is to have an interesting conversation with a complete stranger.

I was intrigued, and thought I would give it a try.

I failed miserably.

On my first attempt, I thought I would start off with an intellectual topic...

Maybe the weather?

How about just a greeting?

On my last attempt, I thought I'd bring myself down to a lower level.

I'll stick to talking to people I actually know.

I miss my cat

2009-08-07T10:58:00.002-04:00

La Baraque = La Shit Hole

2009-08-06T16:47:00.002-04:00

My fiance and I planned a mini getaway to Montreal last weekend. Although born and raised in the suburbs of Montreal, I had never actually spent the night in the city up until this trip. I was really excited to get a feel of the city life day and night, and found what I thought to be a quaint B&B on St. Catherines for this first-time experience.

"Quaint" doesn't even begin to explain what this place was actually like.

Have a look at their site. The rooms look really nice, right? (if you're into the old, antique feel, which I am). Plus it was located in the core of the city, and the price couldn't be beat ($65 a night for the room with breakfast in the morning).

But as we all know, photographs are always subjective, and can always be taken in such a way to make things look better than they actually appear...You just have to look at the pics I've uploaded to see what I mean. It's like we had stepped into a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Grrrrrreat.

Our room looked similar to the pics on the site - "La Grande Loge" (which by the way is nowhere near being "Grande"). The floor looked like it would cave in at any minute, and we could only lock the door from the outside. As my fiance pointed out "Great, now we're going to be raped in our sleep."

So, what did we do? We left our things there to find another place (Thank you University Residents) and snuck back to the Shit Hole to grab our things and go. Of course, not before my fiance had a chance to use the toilet and flood it LOL.

Fitting, we thought.

My new addiction

2009-08-05T11:20:00.002-04:00

A First.

2009-08-03T22:33:00.003-04:00

So....i'm settling down after a pretty chilled out long weekend - i'm ok about it being low-key and laid-back....its my kind of groove. BUT - earlier today i was in a scenario...i was out for a little dayride, realizing 20min in - i'm running out of gas!!! I mean really outta gas....i've never pumped my own gas before...EVER....hahaha UNTIL NOW. Yup...look at me, a real lady now who pumps her own gas!!!! I felt like a real friggin champ!!! Say what you will....make your simple jokes, but i pumped my own gas today m*ther*ucker!!!!

Ladies if you've never pumped your own gas before....DO IT!!! I feel very accomplished about it, thank you very much!

Yeah - so thats it.

Dig it.

Fun-suckers

2009-07-15T11:14:00.002-04:00

Fun-sucker (n): a person who does not participate in merrymaking, but actually sucks the fun out of everyone else's good time.

Who invites these people to social gatherings anyway?
In our circle of friends, one is dating a fun-sucker. When we're all at a party she'll sit in the corner with her arms crossed, and shoots the rest of us disapproving looks. In the middle of a snowballing joke, she'll ask us to stop because we're making her sick. Excuse me!

This past weekend I was at a bachelorette party "Woooo!" and the members of the bridal party sat at a table and watched the bride out on the dancefloor trying to enjoy herself. The bride felt obligated to her guests and so sat with them a while, only to later tell them to go back to the hotel and she would stay to enjoy herself. It wasn't until the "fun-suckers" left that she let loose and the craziness ensued.

So, why do the fun-suckers even come out in the first place? Do they not know that they're fun suckers? I mean, don't they realize that they're not having as much fun as everyone else?

Well, I'm implementing a "no fun-sucker" policy. Next time don't expect an invitation from me and if you show up, I might be the one to send you home early.

My Top Drinks for Summer '09

2009-07-06T14:45:00.003-04:00

Summer means heat. Heat means thirst. Thirst means going to the LCBO 2 minutes from my place and purchasing a satisfying liquid-in-a-bottle.

Here are my Top Drinks for this summer...

1. Naked Grape Spritzers - Get the wine of your liking in a beer sized bottle. Drink it like juice, and get silly.

2. St. Ambroise Apricot Wheat Ale - I'm not usually a fan of wheat beer, but I make the exception for this one. Again, drink it like juice, and get real silly.

3. DIY Wine Spritzers - A bottle of cheap white wine + club soda + a slice of lime = good times.

4. Brahma - Remember those hot commercials they use to air? I feel like that after about 5 bottles.

5. Sir Perry's Pear Cider - While I am a big fan of Strongbow (Apple cider), it's nice to switch it up with this yummy alternative.

Drink up and be merry!

"Funny Women Toronto"

2009-07-03T09:45:00.004-04:00

I was doing a Google search this morning, trying to find blogs or sites that focus on female comedians in the Toronto area, so that I could contact a few about doing an article on a show I'm in right now.

I typed in "Funny Women Toronto." I figured that was pretty straight to the point?

This is what I got:

I think it's kinda sad that there was only one site that had anything to do with what I was looking for, while all the other sites were just Craigslist posts written by lonely women seeking men or for Toronto Raptors t-shirts in women sizes.

Pathetic.

I know plenty of funny women out there, and in the Toronto area alone, and something needs to be done to get their names and faces out there. And that doesn't mean posting another article about Elvira Kurt - who in my personal opinion has an annoying voice and doesn't tickle my funny bone in the slightest. There are waaaaay funnier chicks out there.

And in doing my part to get those names and faces out there, here are just a few to name:

Kyra Williams
Julie Dumais
Jess Embro
Shari Hollett
Drunk Girl
Jessica Georgina Miller
MT & The Bitter Blondes
Maureen Gualtieri
Elizabeth Fitzgerald
Piper Hayes
Kathleen Phillips

Holy Shit!!!!!

2009-07-02T20:49:00.002-04:00

....

The little black girl from the band aid brand commercial is so fucking cute. Like seriously, she's got the cutest little new york accent ever!!! I just want to smush her!!!

That is all.

I dream of Tori

2009-06-25T09:15:00.005-04:00

So, where's the last place you'd expect to see Tori Spelling? Library? Knitting Club? The White House? Well, she managed to infiltrate something even harder to get into - my dreams. So, I thought I'd tell you about it.

The dream began with Vron and I in the movie theatre waiting for the movie to begin. As per usual, Vron is twisting in her seat to look around to see who else is in the theatre. (a few things to know about Vron 1) she likes to people watch 2) almost every time we go out she thinks she sees some one she knows 3) she's a fan of Perez Hilton) Now, normally this scouting results in comments about people's hair of clothes or something, but this time it was much more entertaining. Vron turns to me and says, "Tori Spelling is sitting behind us". Which of course then led to giggling and the obligatory Tori Spelling bashing. Seriously, what's wrong with her boobs?

Then the lights dimmed and the trailers were starting. And what looks like it's jumping out of the screen at us? A GIANT Tori Spelling head -

It's huge, and it's coming straight for us as if we're watching a 3-D movie.

"AAAAAAAAH!" we hear a scream come from behind us. Tori Spelling has been scared by her own face.

At this point, a dude looks over and makes the connection between the woman in the audience and the massive head on the screen. He makes some crack about how Tori Spelling is so ugly.....

She runs off and Vron and I die of laughter.

The end.

I hope you guys enjoyed that. I'm still puzzled by that the heck Tori was doing in my brain. I don't think I've watched anything with her in it since Beverly Hills 90210. Well, hopefully this Tori dream will be enough Tori exposure for the next ten years. I mean really, there is something seriously wrong with her, right?

My birthday robot with a hard on

2009-06-24T14:10:00.002-04:00

My fiance got me some tennis gear...and this is how he wrapped it up :)

I'm a lucky girl.

PHEW! Crisis averted.

2009-06-24T10:36:00.002-04:00

It was a close one. The liquor store almost went on strike just as the weather has started to get warmer and Canada Day is just around the corner.

Now, let's take a moment to think about this. Our city workers were threatening to strike last week. This meant that we wouldn't have access to city run day cares or garbage pick-up. No noticeable city-wide panic. The strike started Monday morning and the biggest issue is displaced trash. There have been a few heated "discussions", but for the most part, it seems as though the public is taking it in stride. Well, so far, but it's only been 3 days.

When are we getting to that back to work legislation anyway? I know it's going to happen, we'd might as well just get it over with before all the garbage starts to melt everywhere- GROSS.

Somehow the most dramatic moment has so far been the threat of an LCBO strike. People panicked yesterday at the possibility that they wouldn't have enough wine or spirits to get them through the weekend. People in the office came back from lunch with bags that were clinking with the sounds of wine bottles. There were line ups at the liquor stores and bottles were flying off the shelves to a tune of 17 million dollars. That's 70% more than their usual sales for a warm June day. Insanity!

Just relax! In true Canadian fashion, The Beer Store is an essential service and therefore can not go on strike. And really, isn't Canada Day about kicking back with a few beers anyway?

Chris Milk does the body good

2009-06-19T10:29:00.005-04:00

If you've never heard of him - Chris Milk is an American music video director who has worked with such artists as Courtney Love, U2, Chemical Brothers, and Gnarls Barkley.

One of his most recent works is a 42 sec short film entitled "Last Day Dream" which shows a man's life from beginning to end, and I totally dig it!

Click here to view it.

(And yup, that's Pauly Shore as the angry dude...)

The Penis Mightier

2009-06-17T16:51:00.003-04:00

.... damn, I love that SNL Jeopardy skit with "Sean Connery". It makes me laugh everytime.

But I know it's supposed to be "the pen is mightier...."
and maybe that's not always true, but this week I learned that my pen... ahem keyboard can make a change, even if it is small. (sorry, this post isn't about the penis at all - Psych your mind!)

I've lived in the same neighbourhood my whole life. It's a nice street with little traffic, big trees and houses that are looked after. At least, it was until just recently....

The house just next to ours has an undeterminable number of people living in it, the elderly woman hoards other people's trash, the elderly man wanders in the nude, their property is filled with a collection of sticks and twigs and they've recently started boiling vats of giant grasses. As if that weren't enough of a nuissance, they've started pouring their waste into the street. As I was walking past their house the other day I saw a GIANT rat scurrying by. At which point, I decided that I had had enough.

But instead of going over there with guns blazing to try and convince them to clean up their act in a languge they don't understand, I decided to write a letter to my city councillor instead. I mean, isn't this why we have city workers? Isn't their job to improve if not at least preserve our city.

Now to be honest, I really didn't expect much from my letter writing, but I figured it was worth a shot. So, I sat down and wrote an email to my city councillor. And do you believe it? I got a response a few hours later and by the next morning they were at the house. Incroyable!!!

Whether or not a change will be made remains to be seen, but at least the ball is rolling and it saves my faith in the system just a teensy bit.

The Quarterlife Crisis

2009-06-16T13:43:00.003-04:00

OK ok ok ok......

Recently a lady friend of mine sent this fairly truthful and definitely worth while article to me, and i felt it was my duty to pass it along to as many people as possible.

It most certainly spoke to me and a lot of well educated women i know in my age group (24-27) - who have no idea how they ended up where they are right now, or any ideas on how to change things up. So, if you dare....please have a read - i'm very glad i did, although the article does make me feel like i'm living in a self created horrible sitcom where the joke is definitely on me. OR as a good friend of mine kinda put it...."feels like i'm a character in a douglas coupland novel..."

ALSO....i keep mentioning women, but this totally applies to men as well...think of every emotionally unavailable guy youve been with (theyre my favourite ones, i cant keep away from them) - or even the nice guys (i know they exist, but i'm not attracted to them) - brings up many interesting notions on the kinds of relationships we keep in a certain context as it relates to our age group as a whole in todays urban interweb driven metropolis.

Anyway....i for one hope that this article enlightens people a little bit, and kinda kicks your ass into motion - i know ive wasted a lot time contemplating all of the issues discussed in the article, doesnt mean i have any answers....maybe more questions....but i'm gonna be optimistic for the future...it keeps catching up to me at a rate i'm not too comfortable dealing with, but hey - c'est la vie?

Through my camera lens...

2009-06-16T10:10:00.004-04:00

Dear Giant Man,

2009-06-15T11:11:00.002-04:00

I understand that you were trying to be ironic, with your "I beat anorexia" t-shirt, but I have two problems with your walking billboard.

1- Anorexia is not funny. It's actually an incredibly sad disease. I don't think that making light of the fact that people are starving themselves to death is something in which you should be partaking, nevermind spending money on a T-shirt so that everyone has to bare witness to your insensitivity.

2- Your obesity is not funny. You must weigh about four hundred pounds and your waist measurement is clearly greater than your height. You are slowly feeding yourself to death. Granted, I don't know a darn tootin' thing about you, but I can pretty confidently say that you are not in the healthiest of conditions and that you would probably benefit from a change in diet and some exercise.

So, while you think you're being funny with your ironic t-shirt. It really is just a terrible reminder of the death sentence you have given yourself.

I wish you good luck and healthier choices for the future.

The Pantless Man

2009-06-05T10:29:00.003-04:00

Last night I was at a rehearsal at my friend's condo. We were just about to wrap up when the fire alarm went off in the building. We figured since we were done, we may as well head out. Luckily we were only on the second floor, so it wasn't a hike to get down.

So, we're walking down the stairwell, and when we reach the main floor we see a guy on the other end of the exit door who seems to want to get in. We figured he was just a resident who had forgot something in his apartment or something. Well, it turned out he wasn't a resident, but he was defintely forgetting something - his pants.

Yup, he was just some dude from the street who had managed to get into the building, and when we saw him, all he was wearing was a white hoody. That's it. But he didn't enter the building pantless. Apparently, when we saw him it was his second entry into the building. Some of my friends who had gone down before me said they saw a pair of pants on the floor of the hallway, followed by Pantless guy.

I didn't stick around to see what happened to the poor guy, but I can definitely say that was the most interesting night I've had in a while.

My neck, my back...

2009-06-01T09:18:00.003-04:00

Unfortunately, my title is not a segway into a really hot story about dirty sex. Sorry, pervos.

But it is literally about my neck and back. Guess who has a mild case of scoliosis at the age of 26?! Yup, went to the doc's last Friday to get an assessment on the aches and pains I've been feeling for the last week, and was told that I was getting old. Ok - not the exact words the doctor used, but that's what I heard in my head.

This situation does not help the feeling of "getting old" in general, which has slowly crept upon me in the last year. Everyone makes a big stink about turning 25, but I think 26 is even worse. It's over the hump. It's closer to 30. It's got a "6" in it (Not really a reason, I'm aware, but I just wanted to have three).

Some of you reading (who's reading this anyway?!) might be thinking: "Waaah. Suck it up."

Well, for your information, I have been doing just that. I "suck it up" everyday when I try to fit into a pair of pants, which a year earlier use to fit me. Just another blow to the aged ego.

So - what am I going to do about it? Well, I'm going to get the massage of a lifetime to fix the ol' spine. And then I'm going to eat healthier, drink less, and actually run when I "go for a run."

But not until I do one thing first - complain about it. After all, I'm feeling like a middle aged crank at the moment - I may as well take advantage of it for a little bit.

"Oh...my neck...my back..."

Message in a bottle?

2009-05-28T11:37:00.001-04:00

Does anyone else remember the "reduce, re-use, recycle" commercials from the 80's? Well, this group of people certainly does.

What do you think of when you think of people who are trying to "save the planet"? Engineers, right? Ok, maybe not, but maybe we should because they're taking the re-use philosophy to the max.

The Plastiki Expedition
David de Rothschild and his team have embarked on a mission to build a boat out of re-purposed plastic water bottles and sail it across the Pacific Ocean. Their goal is to sail from San Francisco to Sydney in order to inspire others to think of more practical and eco-friendly uses of what is currently perceived as waste.

Their voyage is scheduled to travel through some pretty polluted areas. I wonder if they'll run into the Smoggies?

HMV...young kids...pfft

2009-05-27T15:35:00.004-04:00

OK.

So, i was at the HMV in Yorkdale (big mistake) - with a homie of mine. She was looking for some Dinosaur Jr. which in a past break-up, the ex. got all the cool shit. We were wandering around for a bit and finally decided to just approach the nearest employee to ask if they even had any Dinosaur Jr. in stock. The "young man", he couldnt have been more than i'd say...19 or 20 - expresses to us, that unfortunately they didnt have any at this location - BUT if we knew who Henry Rollins was, bcuz on his show - he did a great segment on Dinosaur Jr.

HOLD THE FUCKIN PHONE! Know who Henry Rollins is?????? I couldnt even say anything. My homestyle had to kind of lead me away, otherwise the both of us would have started a scandal.

Just bcuz i'm a pretty cute girl, dressed kind of non-descript and look kinda young for my age, doesnt mean i dont know my shit. i could have given this kid a history lesson about Henry Rollins, nevermind - Blackflag and Rollins Band - i coulda given him an entire chronology of where in musical punkrock history they would be.

I will admit - i too at times am that person who sort of judges people when i mention a certain artist or band and the other person gives me the "Huh???" look. But, i'm cute and at least say it in the least condescending way ;) Some of these young kids though...act like their shit doesnt stink and need either a punch in the box, or the throat. I hate young people, especially young people between the ages of 18-22, especially at HMV.

Beware young people, i will not tolerate your supposed musical superiority - thats MY JOB!!!

I do NOT want to be cryogenically frozen

2009-05-26T09:08:00.002-04:00

BRRRRRRRR......

Why is it that as soon as the days start to get a little warmer the office becomes a freezer? It's nearly June and I'm sitting at my desk wearing two shirts, a scarf and a leather jacket. This is ridiculous! It's not even hot out, why would the A/C even be on? Maybe they're trying to preserve us for the future?

I guess that instead of moving my winter clothes to the back of my closet, I should just bring them to the office this summer so that I'll have something to wear in this artificially chilly environment.

On the plus side: The property manager felt sorry for me this morning and brought me a hot chocolate. mmmmmmmmmm

Dear Women's Running Club...

2009-05-20T09:07:00.001-04:00

Just because you...

...pay to run outside
...are joined by other women who wasted money to run outside
...don't actually run but speed walk
...wear a fancy running jacket with deflectors all over it

Does not mean that you can take up the entire sidewalk and give me the evil eye just because I refuse to step off the sidewalk and let your fat ass through.

xoxo,

Inga

Darth Vader Penis Head

2009-05-09T20:39:00.003-04:00

Has anyone ever noticed that Darth Vader's helmet looks a lot like the head of a penis?

You are an asshole if...

2009-05-08T18:30:00.004-04:00

... when you see a group of people who are hearing impaired, the first thing that comes to your mind is "Man, I kinda want to watch Mr. Holland's Opus."

*Please note that being an asshole is not necessarily a bad thing. At least it isn't for Pretty Man Brains.

PSA - Attention, you do not look fly!

2009-05-08T16:09:00.004-04:00

Alright ladies and gents listen up, I've got a public service announcement to make about SPANDEX. Sounds innocent right? A fabric designed to stretch for increased flexibility and comfort. But in the wrong hands it can be evil; stretching to proportions unimaginable so that it's barely hanging on by a thread, riding and bunching up in the efforts to make it all the way around, and digging in to every available nook and cranny.... AAAAAAAAH!

Now, I know the leggings have been popular the past two seasons, but the weather is getting warmer and the leggings are being ditched in favour of the spandex mini dress. All you have to do is head out on a Friday or Saturday night and you will witness its atrocities. Those things should not be mass produced in a variety of sizes. It's just not cute.

So, to my sistas out there, do not dawn a spandex mini if
a) you have cellulite and it is visible through the garment
b) the spandex finds a home in the fold under your belly roll
c) you have spillage over the top because your flesh is trying to escape its tight grip
d) when you put it on, your friend made the scruchy face before she told you, "Girl, you look fine!" (by the way, she's not your REAL friend if she lets you go out looking like that)
e) When you walk, you've got to hold it down so that the world does not see your parracha

To my brothas:
What the heck are you doing buying this girl a drink or showering her with compliments? You are only perpetuating the problem. Shame on you!

Now, the weather is nice and I'm heading out on Saturday night. I'll be watching you.....

College Boy Syndrome

2009-05-08T15:39:00.002-04:00

For those of you that know myself and the girls personally; you'll know that we like to appoint technical sounding names to things to make them either sound like a disease or something scientific and valid.

For example things like HDS, Smorange, and the Chihuahua Complex are all terms we use in our vocabulary. We also have a variety of hand gestures we like to pull out every now and again, but that is neither here nor there.

Anyway, I've introduced the "College Boy Syndrome" to our ever growing list. If you're not sure what and if you have "college boy syndrome", I am here to help you figure it out.

If you are over the age of 23 and still think any of these things are a good idea, you have "College Boy Syndrome" (I myself am guilty of all but one of these)

-You still think that Keggers are the best parties in town.
-You use words like "dude, boobies, chicks, etc" in your regular vocabulary
-You still think farting is hilarious
-You are distracted by boobies (yes, I said boobies)
-You have belching competitions with your friends
-You don't need to use booze as an excuse for humiliating yourself in public (just to get a laugh)

Hi, my name is Veronica and I am a 26 year old female College Boy!

Dear Asian Women...

2009-05-08T11:41:00.003-04:00

It has come to my attention that some of you don't know how to use doors. I have no way of knowing whether you are Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Filipino, Taiwanese, etc, but you were most definitely Asian, and you most definitely don't know how to use a door properly. Or at least doors that are in or around a subway station, and I wanted to write you a letter of complaint.

To the woman at Union station 2 weeks ago:
The turnstile exit is meant for one person at a time. I know that you are barely 5 feet in height, but that is still no excuse for you to squeeze in behind me and share what little space a person has to begin with. FACT - You really didn't save any substantial amount of time by doing that. But if you are going to do it, don't shrug your shoulders and smile at the person as if you couldn't help yourself. You may be cute looking, but I still wanted to punch you in the neck.

To the woman at St. George station 2 days ago:
I know that you saw me coming up towards the entrance door. And I know that you quickened your pace so that you could get to the door before me. But was it really necessary to open the door just enough to squeeze yourself through and not have the courtesy to leave it wide enough so that I could either grab at it before it closed or follow right behind you? FACT - You probably didn't save that much energy by opening the door all of 4 inches wide. But you certainly made yourself look like a 名 (which is "Douche" in Chinese).

From one Asian chick to another - do yourself and the rest of society a favour and just learn how to use a friggin' door.

Mafia over Yakuza... really?!?!?!

2009-05-07T14:52:00.003-04:00

So I watched my first episodes of "Deadliest Warriors". I caught the "knights vs pirates" episode, and I have to say that I agree with the outcome. Pirates did have gun power, so the scales were tipped in their direction a bit.

However, I do have some beef with the "Mafia vs Yakuza" outcome. No offence to the Mafia or anything, but the kind of training and precision required by the Yakuza is absolutely insane. Sure the mafia might have brute strength on their side, and yes, the baseball bat serves a greater purpose here. But were it to come down to one on one combat my money would be on the Yakuza, and I don't care how handy his opponent is with the bat.

I liken the dynamic to farts. The Mafia would be the loud escalating type farts. Very straight up and to the point. There's no mystery here, we know what's going down, and therefore have some time to prepare for the onslaught. The Yakuza would be more of the silent but deadly kind. These you don't notice until it's too late!

Pink Panty Parade

2009-05-05T10:40:00.001-04:00

Everyone was to move, but you didn't care.
You left your drawers full, when they should have been bare.
Your desk couldn't be moved, except on its side
You shouldn't have left anything there you wanted to hide.
Your books, pens and papers were chucked in a box,
We bet hiding panties under your desk made you feel like a fox.

Well, now were annoyed that we're doing your part
and we don't care if the whole office thinks you're a tart.
We're leaving your lace pink panties on the top of your pile,
So that when everyone walks in they can't help but smile.
In the morning you'll be embarrassed by the display,
and we'll laugh coyly at your dismay.

Cougs Gone Wild in Mexico

2009-05-04T19:34:00.004-04:00

Before the spread of the Swine Flu,

I was in Mexico where I witnessed

another epidemic take place:

The outbreak of The Cougars.

Unlike the Swine Flu, indiscriminate to those it infects, The Cougars prey on only one kind of being - young, single men. If you are a young, single man, Pretty Man Brains would advise you to get checked immediately for symptoms resulting from Cougar interaction such as: phone calls from husbands, a sudden attraction to leopard print bikinis in a size XL, and any vinnereal disease that dates as far back as The Great Depression.

Can somone please give me a pair of boxing gloves...

2009-05-04T15:10:00.001-04:00

... so that I can punch my uterus?!

EFF!

Who are the deadliest warriors?

2009-05-04T09:43:00.002-04:00

Ever wonder who would win in a fight? John McClean or Jack Bower?
(feel free to discuss)

Well, I discovered a television program called "Deadliest Warrior" that wonders the same thing on a larger scale. Who would win in a battle, the spartans or the ninjas? They've put historians, weapons experts and scientists together to demostrate battle stragtegies, weapon uses, and the damage the cause. They then imput the experimental data they've collected into a computer program that reacts the battle a hundred times to determine who would win.

This Tuesday - Yakuza vs. Mafia I can't wait.

Not so Missed Connection

2009-05-01T10:12:00.000-04:00

So I was reading Missed Connections on Craigslist this morning; as I often do when things are slow at the office; and came upon this posting.

http://toronto.en.craigslist.ca/tor/mis/1148933655.html

It's a pretty long one, so I'll just break it down for you. Basically, this guy was talking about how he went to high park and some mystery nymph took him into the woods and proceeded to blow him.

First of all, as Andy pointed out, chances are this is probably fictional and this guy clearly missed his calling as a romance novelist.

Secondly, if it is in fact a genuine post all I have to say is, ew and for his sake I hope she didn't have any cold sores... but I digress.

Anyway, back to the post. If you've read it, you know that she let him blow his load in her mouth. If you haven't, well now you know that not only is she a nymph, but a dirty one too;) (Not that there's anything wrong with a good spit or swallow, but I generally make it a rule not to swallow a strangers spunk). That being said, jizzing in someone's mouth doesn't exactly consitute a missed connection; in fact I'm pretty sure there was some heavy connecting going on there. Maybe if he had gotten it in her eye or something we could classify it as a miss. However, as it stands, I'm going to classify this as a hit.

And while we're on the topic of Jiz please check out Miss Teasa's video for "Jiz"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3mJieVeOrA

Thanks... peace, love and great sex for all!!!

Today's Walk-to-Work theme: Yelling

2009-05-01T09:28:00.000-04:00

I got up relatively early this morning and decided it was a good day to walk to work (the realization that it was also May 1st and I hadn't bought my Metropass yet also contributed to this decision).

I took as many park paths as possible to enjoy the "quiet." Once I hit Bay Street however, I had to accept the fact that "quiet" would be non-existent for the rest of the walk.

I turned on a side street heading east and then made my way down Yonge. There was a guy across the street preaching. Yonge street isn't very wide, and the traffic wasn't that bad, but all I could hear the guy yell out was "Badddaa badadabdabda BAH BADAMA BADAMA badadada..." I'm pretty sure he was trying to speak English, but was inhibited by:

a) Alcohol
b) Drugs
c) Crazy

I kept making my way down Yonge and walked passed a crew of construction workers doing something with the pipes underneath the sidewalk. One worker (Guy 1) was some distance away receiving the piping being fed to him by the other guys (Guy 2-4). This was their conversation:

Guy 1: Pete, you're putting in the same pipe!
Guy 2: WHA?
Guy 1: Pete, you're putting in the same pipe!
Guy 2: WHA?
Guy 1: Pete, you're putting in the same fucking pipe!
Guy 3: We can't hear a fucking word you're saying Tony!
Guy 1: Of for god sakes, YOU'RE PUTTING IN THE SAME FUCKING PIPE!
Guy 3: (to Guy 2) I can't hear a goddamn word coming outta his mouth!
Guy 2: Am I putting in the same pipe?
Guy 4: (to me) Morning Miss.

They were 5 metres away from one another.

(PS - Vron...f'n hilarious)

Sing to tune of "My Favourite Things" from "The Sound of Music"

2009-05-01T09:19:00.000-04:00

In the same vain as the last post, I thought I'd enter my first post as well.

"... boobies and beer and chicken wings; These are a few of my favourite things"

Well it isn't called pretty man brains for nothing!

Sing to the tune of "Barbie Girl"

2009-04-30T16:52:00.002-04:00

I'm a Native Girl, in a Native World.

Life is drastic, it's fantastic.

You can fight my bear. Your flesh is everywhere.

No taxation in my reservation.

This is what happens when I get bored at work while trying to edit a spot for Barbie's 50th birthday. I would also like to point out that I am in fact, not Native despite appearances. Not that there's anything wrong with being Native. I'm just saying.

2009-04-30T16:47:00.000-04:00

There's nothing like an all girls' school to make a man out of you.

It's years later, we're still friends and we think like men - most of the time.