I dream of Tori

So, where's the last place you'd expect to see Tori Spelling? Library? Knitting Club? The White House? Well, she managed to infiltrate something even harder to get into - my dreams. So, I thought I'd tell you about it.

The dream began with Vron and I in the movie theatre waiting for the movie to begin. As per usual, Vron is twisting in her seat to look around to see who else is in the theatre. (a few things to know about Vron 1) she likes to people watch 2) almost every time we go out she thinks she sees some one she knows 3) she's a fan of Perez Hilton) Now, normally this scouting results in comments about people's hair of clothes or something, but this time it was much more entertaining. Vron turns to me and says, "Tori Spelling is sitting behind us". Which of course then led to giggling and the obligatory Tori Spelling bashing. Seriously, what's wrong with her boobs?

Then the lights dimmed and the trailers were starting. And what looks like it's jumping out of the screen at us? A GIANT Tori Spelling head -

It's huge, and it's coming straight for us as if we're watching a 3-D movie.

"AAAAAAAAH!" we hear a scream come from behind us. Tori Spelling has been scared by her own face.

At this point, a dude looks over and makes the connection between the woman in the audience and the massive head on the screen. He makes some crack about how Tori Spelling is so ugly.....

She runs off and Vron and I die of laughter.

The end.

I hope you guys enjoyed that. I'm still puzzled by that the heck Tori was doing in my brain. I don't think I've watched anything with her in it since Beverly Hills 90210. Well, hopefully this Tori dream will be enough Tori exposure for the next ten years. I mean really, there is something seriously wrong with her, right?

My birthday robot with a hard on

My fiance got me some tennis gear...and this is how he wrapped it up :)

I'm a lucky girl.

PHEW! Crisis averted.

It was a close one. The liquor store almost went on strike just as the weather has started to get warmer and Canada Day is just around the corner.

Now, let's take a moment to think about this. Our city workers were threatening to strike last week. This meant that we wouldn't have access to city run day cares or garbage pick-up. No noticeable city-wide panic. The strike started Monday morning and the biggest issue is displaced trash. There have been a few heated "discussions", but for the most part, it seems as though the public is taking it in stride. Well, so far, but it's only been 3 days.

When are we getting to that back to work legislation anyway? I know it's going to happen, we'd might as well just get it over with before all the garbage starts to melt everywhere- GROSS.

Somehow the most dramatic moment has so far been the threat of an LCBO strike. People panicked yesterday at the possibility that they wouldn't have enough wine or spirits to get them through the weekend. People in the office came back from lunch with bags that were clinking with the sounds of wine bottles. There were line ups at the liquor stores and bottles were flying off the shelves to a tune of 17 million dollars. That's 70% more than their usual sales for a warm June day. Insanity!

Just relax! In true Canadian fashion, The Beer Store is an essential service and therefore can not go on strike. And really, isn't Canada Day about kicking back with a few beers anyway?

Chris Milk does the body good

If you've never heard of him - Chris Milk is an American music video director who has worked with such artists as Courtney Love, U2, Chemical Brothers, and Gnarls Barkley.

One of his most recent works is a 42 sec short film entitled "Last Day Dream" which shows a man's life from beginning to end, and I totally dig it!

Click here to view it.

(And yup, that's Pauly Shore as the angry dude...)

The Penis Mightier

.... damn, I love that SNL Jeopardy skit with "Sean Connery". It makes me laugh everytime.

But I know it's supposed to be "the pen is mightier...."
and maybe that's not always true, but this week I learned that my pen... ahem keyboard can make a change, even if it is small. (sorry, this post isn't about the penis at all - Psych your mind!)

I've lived in the same neighbourhood my whole life. It's a nice street with little traffic, big trees and houses that are looked after. At least, it was until just recently....

The house just next to ours has an undeterminable number of people living in it, the elderly woman hoards other people's trash, the elderly man wanders in the nude, their property is filled with a collection of sticks and twigs and they've recently started boiling vats of giant grasses. As if that weren't enough of a nuissance, they've started pouring their waste into the street. As I was walking past their house the other day I saw a GIANT rat scurrying by. At which point, I decided that I had had enough.

But instead of going over there with guns blazing to try and convince them to clean up their act in a languge they don't understand, I decided to write a letter to my city councillor instead. I mean, isn't this why we have city workers? Isn't their job to improve if not at least preserve our city.

Now to be honest, I really didn't expect much from my letter writing, but I figured it was worth a shot. So, I sat down and wrote an email to my city councillor. And do you believe it? I got a response a few hours later and by the next morning they were at the house. Incroyable!!!

Whether or not a change will be made remains to be seen, but at least the ball is rolling and it saves my faith in the system just a teensy bit.

The Quarterlife Crisis

OK ok ok ok......

Recently a lady friend of mine sent this fairly truthful and definitely worth while article to me, and i felt it was my duty to pass it along to as many people as possible.

It most certainly spoke to me and a lot of well educated women i know in my age group (24-27) - who have no idea how they ended up where they are right now, or any ideas on how to change things up. So, if you dare....please have a read - i'm very glad i did, although the article does make me feel like i'm living in a self created horrible sitcom where the joke is definitely on me. OR as a good friend of mine kinda put it...."feels like i'm a character in a douglas coupland novel..."

ALSO....i keep mentioning women, but this totally applies to men as well...think of every emotionally unavailable guy youve been with (theyre my favourite ones, i cant keep away from them) - or even the nice guys (i know they exist, but i'm not attracted to them) - brings up many interesting notions on the kinds of relationships we keep in a certain context as it relates to our age group as a whole in todays urban interweb driven metropolis.

Anyway....i for one hope that this article enlightens people a little bit, and kinda kicks your ass into motion - i know ive wasted a lot time contemplating all of the issues discussed in the article, doesnt mean i have any answers....maybe more questions....but i'm gonna be optimistic for the future...it keeps catching up to me at a rate i'm not too comfortable dealing with, but hey - c'est la vie?

Through my camera lens...

Dear Giant Man,

I understand that you were trying to be ironic, with your "I beat anorexia" t-shirt, but I have two problems with your walking billboard.

1- Anorexia is not funny. It's actually an incredibly sad disease. I don't think that making light of the fact that people are starving themselves to death is something in which you should be partaking, nevermind spending money on a T-shirt so that everyone has to bare witness to your insensitivity.

2- Your obesity is not funny. You must weigh about four hundred pounds and your waist measurement is clearly greater than your height. You are slowly feeding yourself to death. Granted, I don't know a darn tootin' thing about you, but I can pretty confidently say that you are not in the healthiest of conditions and that you would probably benefit from a change in diet and some exercise.

So, while you think you're being funny with your ironic t-shirt. It really is just a terrible reminder of the death sentence you have given yourself.

I wish you good luck and healthier choices for the future.

The Pantless Man

Last night I was at a rehearsal at my friend's condo. We were just about to wrap up when the fire alarm went off in the building. We figured since we were done, we may as well head out. Luckily we were only on the second floor, so it wasn't a hike to get down.

So, we're walking down the stairwell, and when we reach the main floor we see a guy on the other end of the exit door who seems to want to get in. We figured he was just a resident who had forgot something in his apartment or something. Well, it turned out he wasn't a resident, but he was defintely forgetting something - his pants.

Yup, he was just some dude from the street who had managed to get into the building, and when we saw him, all he was wearing was a white hoody. That's it. But he didn't enter the building pantless. Apparently, when we saw him it was his second entry into the building. Some of my friends who had gone down before me said they saw a pair of pants on the floor of the hallway, followed by Pantless guy.

I didn't stick around to see what happened to the poor guy, but I can definitely say that was the most interesting night I've had in a while.

My neck, my back...

Unfortunately, my title is not a segway into a really hot story about dirty sex. Sorry, pervos.

But it is literally about my neck and back. Guess who has a mild case of scoliosis at the age of 26?! Yup, went to the doc's last Friday to get an assessment on the aches and pains I've been feeling for the last week, and was told that I was getting old. Ok - not the exact words the doctor used, but that's what I heard in my head.

This situation does not help the feeling of "getting old" in general, which has slowly crept upon me in the last year. Everyone makes a big stink about turning 25, but I think 26 is even worse. It's over the hump. It's closer to 30. It's got a "6" in it (Not really a reason, I'm aware, but I just wanted to have three).

Some of you reading (who's reading this anyway?!) might be thinking: "Waaah. Suck it up."

Well, for your information, I have been doing just that. I "suck it up" everyday when I try to fit into a pair of pants, which a year earlier use to fit me. Just another blow to the aged ego.

So - what am I going to do about it? Well, I'm going to get the massage of a lifetime to fix the ol' spine. And then I'm going to eat healthier, drink less, and actually run when I "go for a run."

But not until I do one thing first - complain about it. After all, I'm feeling like a middle aged crank at the moment - I may as well take advantage of it for a little bit.

"Oh...my neck...my back..."